Letters to my sons.

Born today at 15:07 weighting 3.5kg’s.

In the hospital and waiting for Ken to be born.

I paid £9.50 to park for 3 hours. I can extend the time for one more hour and then I have to move the car. Hopefully I’ll find a space near by as I don’t think baby will be out by then. Tower Hamlets council must love people like me.

If I move to Whites Row I have to pay the congestion charge. I’ll look to see where the nearest car park is.

Dear Son,

we had a quite a good day yesterday. We managed to get around ASDA in Leyton in less than 35 minutes – a new record. This was due to two factors; a short shopping list and a lack of people in the shop. We missed going early on Saturday because I was having a well deserved lie in. We did manage to hit the sweet spot yesterday when there are no queues at the tills.

While you and your mother had afternoon sleeps I made a salad, two pizzas and some desert using the old apples and plumbs. I used 120 grams of sugar, self raising flour and margarine, 2 eggs, a pinch of salt and a palm full of cinnamon plus some old plums and apples. I simply put everything except the fruit in the mixer and whooshed it until it was a batter. I chopped the fruit, put it in an baking dish, poured the batter on top and cooked it for 30 minutes in the oven.

You ate the pizza, but didn’t want the salad or the pudding. I was hoping you would eat some pudding and get part of your 5-a-day but you told me you didn’t like it.

We are getting nearer to having the house ready for number two. Your mother threw out a hold load of rubbish on Saturday and I took some furniture to be recycled along with a broken television and computer monitor. We can’t seem to find the “0 to 3 months” baby clothes that are in the loft somewhere so I will have another look this evening as we need to get them out and washed. The buggy should be ready to go this evening after all the bits were washed – just need to reassemble.

After picking up my mum’s car (Grandma Audrey’s Car) from Uncle Phil I am still trying to sell the Skoda (the new car). I have just dropped the price from £3200 to £3000 and I’ll keep dropping £200 each fortnight until it’s sold. Hopefully before I’ll sell it before your brother is born.

Sleepless nights will soon be back!

Dear Son,

We visited the Motor Show on Thursday 24th July at Excel in Docklands. I managed to get free weekday tickets via on offers web site.

The first thing we did was waste 30 minutes because I didn’t plan the route properly. We took the DLR to Popular because I thought we could get to Customs House from there. If you look at the DLR’s maps you would think there was a direct route. But you would be wrong.

We returned to Stratford and took the Jubilee Line to Canning Town and from there got the DLR to Customs House. It only took a few minutes to get there and a few more minutes to get inside.

When you get excited you forget to use the toilet until it is too late and have an accident. So as soon as we got in we used the toilet and bought some water. Then it was into the show its self and I was a little disappointed as all there seemed to be were little booths. You had your photo taken there with a scantly clad woman while sat on a motor bike.

Then we walked through a small doorway and into an enormous hanger like area filled with cars and lights. You made a bee line for a convertible and we spent ten minutes sitting in it, me in the passenger seat and you pretending to drive. We moved on to the Landrover stand where you ‘drove’ a new SWB Defender and then a LWB version. We moved to the Ford stand and then outside to the “Cars” exhibition where we spent a good 45 minutes with Lightening McQueen, Mater, Sally and Mac.

We then ate before going back to see the Cars stand for another 30 minutes. The day was a scorcher and we headed back inside to see the other half of the exhibition.

We spent the next couple of hours climbing in and out of various cars and 4×4’s. You were being very flirty with ladies staffing the show and I started telling more and more ridiculous lies about my car purchasing intentions when approached by sales people.

We tried to blag our way into the Lotus area but with no luck. At that point tiredness set in and it was time for home.

Dear son,

There was a bit of excitement today when I went for my lunch. Across the road from the greasy spoon was a pack of press photographers waiting for Naomi Campbell. She was rumoured to be doing her community service near to the assembled ‘gentlemen of the press’.

The Steatham Clothes Horse was arrested on a flight when her bags went missing. When the captain came out and explained that her bags were missing and she would have to leave the flight she got upset. She ordered said captain to go looking for it and when he refused, called him a racist. If I were the captain I would have sued for defamation.

I received a CD today by an artist called Willis. When your mother was pregnant with you she became addicted to Big Brother. Luckily this time she has chosen CSI (original version) and NCIS to religiously watch. She flirted with ‘House’ and ‘Numbers’ but they never became part of the routine.

While watching CSI a version of Cameo’s ‘Word Up’ was played. A very minimalist version using acoustic instruments and a fantastic vocal. I did a quick search and found the name of the artist and then found the song on iTunes.

A quick Amazon search and I found the one and only Willis album which I ordered and it arrived today.

And what a fantastic listen it was, so good that I listened to it twice without skipping a track. It’s not everyday that I buy an album from an artist on the strength of a song that isn’t even on the album. But it is a good investment and I’m looking forward to listening to it with your mother.

Thursday is our visit to the Motor Show in Docklands. I managed to get free tickets and I know how much you like looking at cars. I can’t wait!

Dear Son,

at heart I am a geek, always have been and hopefully I always will be so I have some things geek to report.

First of all at work we got new computers running Microsoft’s Vista operating system. The new OS is terrible. Every time you attempt to run an application the screen dims and a pop-up box asks you if you want to run the program you just clicked on. You can’t do anything with the computer until you either click “Yes I want to run the program” or “No I don’t want to run the program I just clicked on”. Because Windows is so insecure it could be that a worm/trojan/virus has taken over your computer and is running programs and the system has no way of knowing if the program was run from a mouse click or by the afore mentioned worm/trojan/virus. So it tries to make the system secure by constantly asking if you just clicked on anything but this does not add security because eventually you just click “Okay” or “Yes” without reading the box. Pure and utter dog pooh.

Microsoft have tried to secure Vista by switching off everything useful. This is a good idea in theory but if the system were really secure it would still be secure when the deactivated services are switched on. And it isn’t. I tried to look at some files on another computer and was told that I couldn’t and that would need to enable something. I wasn’t told how or where I could enable network browsing so I had to do a Google search to find out.

When I double clicked on a file to read it the operating system told me it didn’t know which application to open the file with and asked me to click a button to see a list of applications. When I clicked on the button I didn’t get a list of applications but I got list of folders with the system expecting ME to find the application.

I have loads of example to share but it would just get even more boring than it is now. I have been spoilt by the elegance and simplicity of my OS X on my various Apple computers. A little but more expensive but worth every penny as I spend my time doing things and not fighting the operating system at every turn.

I’m not sure if I’m getting an iPhone on Friday. I have ordered one but the order is still showing “Processing”. 02 only have a handful of phones so I’m not sure if I will get one or not. I hope I do as I have a long train journey on Saturday to Newcastle. It should only take three hours but due to engineering works it will take nearer 5. I am going to pick up Grandma Audrey’s car from Uncle Phil. He doesn’t need it any more now he is going to Dubai to work so I’m going to see him before he goes and then drive the car back to London. I was thinking of taking you with me but 5 hours traveling up – some of that on a replacement bus – and then 4 to 5 hours in a car on the way back is not really a fun day out. Also we can’t stop on the way back every time you think you might need the toilet.

Hopefully we can go and see Uncle Phil in Dubai in the near future.

Dear Son,

I was listening to my iPod on the way home from work and getting a little frustrated at the sound quality. I’m not sure if the problem is the iPod its self or the headphones or a combination of the two but I don’t get any bass response at all.

The three types of music that I listen to require bass:

1. Soca
2. Dub
3. Trance

The other stuff I listen too doesn’t have the bass emphasis. The classical music I listen too sounds fantastic but with the Soca I can’t get that Tragrette Road experience. Having said that to get that experience I would need a sound system on a lorry. The last time I spent too long next to a sound truck – on the Pure Lime sound lorry – I was deaf for a good few days. I don’t suppose it would be practical to have a sound truck following me around on the off chance that I wanted to listen to Jumbie by Scrunter but listening to it on my iPod is frustrating. The bass comes in but I can’t hear it and the feeling that I got at 4am covered in mud, grease and paint playing J’Ouvert with Mudders International in Port of Spain is missing.

I’ve just done a little experiment and it’s the iPod Nano that fails to cut the mustard. I’ll have to wait to see what the new iPhone can do. Steve Job’s didn’t mention the bass response in terms of my musical likes when he made his keynote speech on Monday – he talked about 3G and GPS and how easy it is to write apps for the iPhone but no mention of Machel.

Wining up in ah band
Jammin on ah woman
shakin down in de stand

Ah musical jumbie is roaming through de land
It have me uneasy, ah just cyah understand
Any whey ah go it like meh shadow
Make me lose control when it touch meh soul
Meh body shakin, ah doh want to stop
Cause if ah do dat, it go lick me up
It have meh…

White man cyah wine? For this one it depends on how much rum has been drunk, the more I drink the less pain I have in my knees.

Dear Son,

I’ve loads to write about recently but not the time. Your mother hasn’t had the easiest of pregnancies with your little brother (e.t.a 27th August 2008) meaning I have been doing more and more around the house. Also I have been working on my book, something that I started in Trinidad went we went for you Great Grandmothers funeral.

You had a good birthday party at nursery and you liked your bike although you haven’t got the hang of peddling yet, you just sit on it and push the left peddle a little, bring the peddle back up and then push a little bit more. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Dear Son,

the teachers are going on strike tomorrow. When I first read about this strike the press were saying that it was the first teachers strike in 21 years. When I first read this I couldn’t believe the 21 years bit because the teachers went on strike when I was at school and that wan’t 21 years ago.

Then I worked out how many years it was since I was at school and it really was 21 years ago as there were strikes from around 83/84 until 1987. I remember having a day off school in 1984, the night before it was The Young Ones – essential TV viewing for a 13 year old. I went into town and met up with a couple of friends and saw our French teach, Mr Leach who was on strike, wandering around one of the deserted school sites. He looked utterly and completely bored and devoid of direction. When we saw him we made a hurried retreat in the opposite direction. He might have been on strike but it seems the pull of the school – even when closed and locked – was too great.

The Miners Strike was in full flow at the same time and while beating a retreat I found a piece of coal in the road. I put it into an empty crisp packet and took it home as we were very short at home.

A strange time to grow up in. The battles that were lost in the 1980’s have given us the right wing “Labour” government we have now. And if we didn’t have The Young Ones we would still have racist humorists on the television.

Dear Son,

I was looking at Emma’s photo’s on FaceBook that were taken on her 23rd brithday and I saw a picture of her Grandmother, my Aunty. She looked like she was enjoying herself and I added a comment asking if she drunk a lot of wine. Emma responded that she hadn’t drunk a lot because she claimed she was driving. Emma added that her grandfather always drives. I, for one, have never seen my Aunty drive but I’m sure she must have at some point in her life. I knew someone who I could ask if my Aunty had ever driven – my mother. I made a mental note to call home and ask and then it hit me, my mother is dead and has been for over 2 years.

I suppose that having had 35 years of being there for me it is going to take a bit longer than 2 years before it finally sinks into my sub conscience that she has gone.

So sunshine, make sure you ask me the things you want to know before I go which, all things being even, should be many years before you.