Letters to my sons.

Dear Son,

as part of Diwali celebrations they fed you curry at nursery yesterday. Not the first time you have had curry at nursery or even at home but come yesterday evening you told me you wanted a pooh. I put you on your potty and then splat – a huge loose pooh popped out.

As I took it up stairs to flush it down the toilet a got a good whiff of it and it was quite clearly a result of the earlier curry. I recognised the smell as I went for a Sri Lankaian curry on Wednesday night with my friend Helen. We ate in a place right opposite East Ham tube station, having a huge meal for just over a tenner. The curry was really spicy but very smooth and nice. Come Thursday morning it was coming out in spades.

In the coming years you’ll be having more of these; they burn on the way in and they burn on the way out as my friend Nick likes to say.