Letters to my sons.

Dear Son,

This weekend was the first time in your lifetime that the Black and Whites put one over the great-unwashed Red and White filth of Wearside. Hopefully this will be the first of two for this season before they disappear from the Premier League.

Your mother doesn’t like prejudices being taught to children although! We took your cousin Lewis to St James’ Park for his first Toon game a few years ago and when the fans started singing “Stand up if you hate Sunderland,” she was the first to her feet and then picked up Lewis and held him in the air while singing her guts out. I knew at that point that I was marrying the right woman.

Yesterday we got a first look at your teeth, two little buds of white on the gum line. You have been chewing everything in site for a good few weeks now and your mother confirmed this morning that your teeth are through as you were being breast-fed. You seem to enjoy chewing the big toe on your left foot as well. As soon as you are naked the leg goes up and the foot goes into the mouth for a chew. Inspired by this I tried the same thing and I did manage to get my toes into my mouth but not with the same ease and panache. You don’t huff and puff as much and grumble about having a beer belly.

I need a challenge to get me fit. Maybe another stab at the White Mountain?

Dear Son,

today (8th October 2005) was your baptism. Your mother is a Catholic and one of the things I (had to) agree(d) to when I married her was that any children would be brought up Catholic.

Relationships are built on compromise and although I’m a devout atheist – I don’t go to Church every single Sunday – I agreed with your mother that you should be baptised. I, myself, haven’t been baptised and I don’t think I ever will be. In the Caudle side of the family infant baptism is not something that happens. Your Grand father on my side was a Methodist Minister and although he baptised babies he didn’t believe in it. He (and grand mother Caudle) thought that becoming a Christian was only something that could be done as an adult and that baptism would then mean something. This is a view that Uncle Phil and I also hold. Your Caudle cousins have not been baptised.

Having said that the Catholic Church has Confirmation, which happens at an age when you will know your own mind. For your mother, having you baptised was important – a good enough reason for this atheist not to stand in the way.

After you had been anointed with oil, had water on your head then the sign of the cross made on your forehead we all came back to the house. You and me watched some of the England game together. You sat on my knee and watched the TV. At half time as Lineker, Handson and Shearer discussed how England played and what they should do next; you joined in with your own analysis before crying for some food. In the 10 minutes that you talked you made a lot of sense although you never – along with the other pundits – predicted that Beckham would be sent off.

England ran out 1-0 winners and with results in different groups England are now guaranteed a place at the world cup in Germany in 2006. Hopefully England can beat Poland and top the group. If England is to do well in the World Cup they need to improve big time. Don’t forget son you can always choose the Soca Warriors if you not happy with England ☺

So today you were Baptised into the Catholic Church and had an England footballing baptism. You missed the Northern Ireland game because you were sleeping. You would have had nightmares if you’d seen it.

Dear Son,

you did two things of note yesterday. Firstly you had a laugh, not a giggle but a proper laugh.

The second thing you did nearly made me cry. You fell asleep in my arms and I took you upstairs so you could sleep in your cot. I put you in your cot and as your bottom touched the mattress you opened your eyes, looked at me and smiled – as if you were thanking me for talking you upstairs and putting you in bed. As I put your head down you stretched and fell asleep.

I’m not sure I should be telling you about the smile because in a few years, when you want some expensive trainers, you might try it on.